1. Thou Shalt SCHMOOZE Properly.
2. Thou Shalt not hurleth onto the dance floor.
3. Thou Shalt not fall over the toilet in the public bathroom unless your best friend holdeth your hair back.
4. Thou Shalt NOT start a scene.
5. If thou shalt start a scene, maketh sure it doesn't look like it's your fault and have a ride home.
6. Spandex is a privilege, NOT a right.
7. Thou shalt taketh a cab if you are too drunk to smoke!
8. If you think you REALLY are a vampire, such it is the curse on you that some dumb role playin' schmoe will try to staketh thee.
9. Lunch box purses were made specifically FOR combat!
10. The higher the heels, the closer to God.
11. Wear earplugs, bring condoms, remember where you parked... and never, ever volunteer!

AMEN