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Halloween 2006


















info porpoises only
ENJOY!
















 

AUNTIE PAN PAN's HALLOWEEN HOROSCOPES

Auntie Pan Pan's Halloween Special issue scopes
YES...You can share...just get my name right...whichever name I happen to be using that day!

LEO
Please whatever pranks that you do do this year, please have enough bail money for not just you, but your driver of the getaway car!!! If you invite people to do pranks and use their car, you should be responsible to bail their car out of impound if you get caught.

VIRGO
Go ahead stay home and watch "Phantom" again this halloween, get angsty, drink till you are over melancholy, then go out, buy roses and hand them out in your mask to those that will never know your name....sheeesh...you are such the little dark rain cloud, ain't cha?

LIBRA
I can literally guarantee you that you will be drunk sometime within the next seventy eight hours probably flashing your tits...guys too. Have fun. Don't get too silly...remember where the hell you parked...call a cab if you need it.

SCORPIO
You are going to so be sucking down all the chocolate in your home this year....you needed a break from the regular chaos anyway...you have really had the odd ball year...but I think things are really lookin' up. cheer up...honest!

SAGITTARIUS
I can promise you that you will NOT throw up in anyone's automobile this year for halloween....however, I can NOT promise that someone else may puke in yours....just being honest. But you have your mental shit together....don't be surprised if there is a Leo asking to borrow bail money in your future...

CAPRICORN
A cappie I know said that they have "PermaGrin" right now...why? because they are HAPPY!!!! This is good, especially for a sign that always throws wierd things into their fates...Enjoy the ride and buck on little cowpoke!!!! I hope your brought your spurs...well...er...because I bet they are into that sort of thing...maybe invest in a saddle for the bed.

AQUARIUS
You are soooo upset right now. I am sorry about that. I know that you are hurting right now. I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay. I would bake you ankh-shaped cookies and knit you a scarf if that would make you feel better. It's okay to stay home to think things through...but don't live in your fantasy world, okay?

PISCES
blah blah babble blah...I know you should always write your plans down because you always seem to frikkin forget!!! You need one of those memo things on your cell phone, that way you always have focus!!! How hard is it to purchase three hundred rolls of toilet paper to decorate your ex-boss's house?!?!?! Not that hard, sweetie. ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN AND A BACKUP PLAN. Remember: YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS!!!

ARIES
You are one very lucky chippie to realize that the gods may forgive your of your past dramas...maybe you should try to advance into being fabulous, now. Either that or try to find all your Halloween decorations and leave them up again until after new year's again this year...again I hope you notice I said...Do not wear a corset this year...you could get yourself into some SERIOUS trouble in a shaggin' in a club handicapped restroom sort of way! Especially if you are male and look damn hot in a corset.

TAURUS
Welllll, your idea of celebrating the season, is to drink heavily and set shit on fire in your front yard, and then the police come over, and you tell them that it's a weenie roast. I wonder what your children think of you...I wonder....

GEMINI
NOW, don't get pissy because you have NOT had the time to make a costume to outdazzle everyone else this year for the party!!! You have been busy making money. what would you rather have: cash to go to that craptastic little island for two weeks??? or : Spent all your money on brocade and outshine that new little wannabe whippersnapper who is chomping on your fabulous reputation...oh okay okay, I know you can do BOTH! That's what I get for rationalizing with two people in one body. I bet you have already bought the damn material, didn't you? GO FORTH AND SMASH THE BUGGER! Just order a drinkie for me.

CANCER
You just want to be made sure that you were invited to the party because of you...not for who you know...let me ease your poor little worried brow. You are a wonderous person, that can do no wrong...you are a wonderful kisser and a kind kinky little unique creature that can rest assured you are your own person....now shut up and start the car....we have a party to go to. By the way, we have to pick up that Aries guy's corset along the way...Pick up the money that Leo is borrowing from Capricorn and Virgo to get Sagittarius'es car out of hock from a drive by extreme home goth makeover that Pisces girl planned due to vandalizing her ex lover's house. sheesh. boy do we have wierd friends or what?!? Well, maybe we can get Scorpio and Aquarius to come with us...Don't count on Gemini...they are too busy sewing and up to their earlobes in hot glue.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FOLKES
Love,
Auntie Pan Pan
















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2006 copywrong auntie panpan all rights reversed

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